"You've Got Mail". I wish I hadn't.
A personal story.
I never mix things up from my pulse-pounding, high octane regime of adrenaline-fueled mayhem. Explosions. Violence. More explosions. Cars. Boats. Trains. Buildings—it makes no difference. The larger the explosions—and the more of them—the better the film.
Somehow a copy of You’ve Got Mail got into the mix. I had just watched the movie Chainletter, about an email sent to clueless youth resulting in their grizzly demise. That film got everything right. Perhaps… this You’ve Got Mail is a fitting sequel? Fired up, I put the DVD in and pressed play.
Tom Hanks. Meg Ryan. Interesting… but something was missing. No chainsaws. No cage fighting.
No invasion from the Soviets.
Something was off.
It wasn’t until Joe and his beloved dog Brinkley meet Kathleen in a rendezvous at the park I realized the scope of my error.
Above: how it happened.
What this sappy, tedious, plodding abomination does teach is this:
WORDS ARE POWER. These apparently “star-crossed lovers” (a ridiculous notion propagated by the Hollywood myth machine) fall in “love” through words alone.
Our protagonists aren’t in a desperate struggle for their lives as Nicaraguan hostages. They aren’t defending us as rogue secret service agents from a terrorist splinter cell—all reality-based circumstances where a man and a woman actually fall in “love” out here in the real world.
However, even a disaster of this magnitude might have a hidden gem for us.
They were onto something—a universal truth regarding words.
On the surface, we think they’re just words… but they’re much more than that.
Our words do matter. Our words are an extension of ourselves. Our actions and our words define us.
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
The execution of words, through email, has reshaped our business and personal lives. The average email user receives 88 emails per day—and sends 34 emails a day.
Consider the scope of this.
The ROI for honing email skills is obscenely exponential. Increase your effectiveness for a skill you use 34 times a day over the length of a lifetime and the value of that investment is limitless.
Let’s talk about your emails.
________
Two critical concepts:
WORDS ARE POWER.
LESS IS MORE.
MARRY THESE CONCEPTS TOGETHER.
WORDS ARE POWER, AND LESS IS MORE.
With every unnecessary word, or showboating of corporate jargon and “business speak”, the power of your message is drastically diluted.
Let’s put this to action.
WORDS ARE POWER, AND LESS IS MORE in action:
Start with the point
Simplest words
Fewest words
Punctuation
Sign-off
Email example. The language of the text body below is intentionally exaggerated for compare/contrast purposes. Sadly, many emails sent to clients aren’t far off from this hyperbolic narration.
_____________
Kathleen,
What a beautiful Tuesday it is!!!! I hope you are enjoying the day. I know I am!! Anyways… I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity. We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
I VERY RESPECTFULLY thank you for your time and consideration!! My humble heart yearns for your response; whether it be today—or in a fortnight. I surrender myself fully to the anticipation of hearing from you!!
With The Utmost Respect,
Joe
_____________
Word Count: 131
Awful email. What is the point? Where is the point? Who knows? Who cares?
____________
Start with the point
The point, below, highlighted:
____________
Kathleen,
What a beautiful Tuesday it is!!!! I hope you are enjoying the day. I know I am. Anyways… I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity. We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
Erase everything before your point:
Kathleen,
I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity. We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
_______________
2. Simplest Words
Here we’re looking for words clearly meant to impress. “Corporatese speak”; the obnoxious language of resumes.
Unless writing a Shakespearean sonnet, remove all versions of the highlighted words below from your writing:
_________
Kathleen,
I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity. We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
__________
We’ve highlighted unnecessary words. There are many.
These words and phrases suck. They’re too distracting to put into context. No one’s impressed. Whatever you’re trying to say is buried beneath them.
__________
3. Fewest words
Our sentences are too long and far too cumbersome. They feel heavy.
Now we’ll truncate each sentence separately. We are noting the unnecessary highlighted words, making sure they are removed.
Highlighted unnecessary words:
I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity. We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
_____________
A breakdown per sentence; our goal: shorten them.
First sentence:
I am writing to see if you think that you may be interested in meeting me to talk about what will be a potentially mind blowing opportunity.
Re-write:
I’d like to discuss helping you do what you do even better.
More casual; much more direct.
___________
Second sentence:
We believe our company, combined with yours, can forge a new nexus of excellence; a paradigm shift carving an unmatched apex of achievement built on a bedrock of strategic alignment, resource allocation, and an ever-soaring cross-collaborative altitude!!
Re-write:
The companies we have partnered with love us!! We’ve helped them achieve cost-cutting measures while increasing quality and productivity. We work with our clients every step of the way!!
_________
Progress. We’ve taken the main points, breaking them down to clear, concise messaging.
Let’s check in on our current draft.
____________
Kathleen,
I’d like to discuss helping you do what you do even better. The companies we have partnered with love us!! We’ve helped them achieve cost-cutting measures while increasing quality and productivity. We work with our clients every step of the way!!
I VERY RESPECTFULLY thank you for your time and consideration!! My humble heart yearns for your response; whether it be today—or in a fortnight. I surrender myself fully to the anticipation of hearing from you!!
With The Utmost Respect,
Joe
________
It’s better. We’ve started with the point. We’ve cleaned up lofty writing, replacing it with simple words. We’ve eliminated unnecessary words entirely. The email is down to its fewest words.
But there are still problems.
_________
4: Punctuation
Exclamation points!! What do you think about them?!
The exclamation point is ruining our emails. Get rid of them. They convey an unnatural degree of enthusiasm. Most are obnoxious and forced. Your email tone should feel relaxed.
Let’s review our new draft, minus exclamation points and CAPS LOCK.
_______________
Kathleen,
I’d like to discuss helping you do what you do even better. The companies we have partnered with love us. We’ve helped them achieve cost-cutting measures while increasing quality and productivity. We work with our clients every step of the way.
I very respectfully thank you for your time and consideration. My humble heart yearns for your response; whether it be today—or in a fortnight. I surrender myself fully to the anticipation of hearing from you.
With The Utmost Respect,
Joe
____________
We’re close now. The most important step—the sign-off.
This must include:
a call-to-action
a next step
a follow-up request
________
Current sign-off:
I very respectfully thank you for your time and consideration!! My humble heart yearns for your response; whether it be today—or in a fortnight. I surrender myself fully to the anticipation of hearing from you.
With The Utmost Respect,
Joe
_______________
The sign-off is opulent and unnecessary—breaking all our rules. Though exaggerated here, email closings often manifest like this in spirit.
Most critically, our current close does not include a call-to-action, a next step, and a follow-up request.
The current close is bad enough to need elimination entirely.
Let’s rewrite:
Let’s get together (call to action). The next step is discussing your current needs (next step). I am available Tuesday at 2:00, or Thursday at 11:00 (follow-up request). Which works best for you?
Let’s get rid of “With the Utmost Respect”… it’s gratuitous. Keep the sign-off very casual, or only state your name and skip it altogether.
________
WORDS ARE POWER, AND LESS IS MORE in action:
Start with the point
Simplest words
Fewest words
Punctuation
Sign-off
We’ve filtered our email through all five points. Let’s examine the final product.
___________
Kathleen,
I’d like to discuss helping you do what you do even better. The companies we have partnered with love us. We’ve helped them achieve cost-cutting measures while increasing quality and productivity. We work with our clients every step of the way.
Let’s get together. The next step is discussing your current needs. I am available Tuesday at 2:00, or Thursday at 11:00. Which works best for you?
Joe
Word count: 69
Our initial draft: 131 words. So sweeping and grand in its prose as to likely go unread entirely. Few have the time, and none have the interest.
With our 69 word version, we’re in business.
The five points: pure, concentrated, get-to-the-point, call-to-action power.
________
WORDS ARE POWER, AND LESS IS MORE.
Start with the point
Simplest words
Fewest words
Punctuation
Sign-off
“But Mark, it isn’t practical to filter every email I send; who has the time?”
Great news—it isn’t necessary to do this for every email you send.
You commit to doing it for one week. You make the time, crafting every email using the five points strategy. Without even knowing it, the new habits take hold. They go from conscious effort to subconscious automation, ultimately taking less time per email as you master this explosive skill.
Now you’ve got mail.
“The ROI for honing email skills is obscenely exponential. Increase your effectiveness for a skill you use 34 times a day over the length of a lifetime and the value of that investment is limitless.”
WORDS ARE POWER, AND LESS IS MORE.
Mark Joseph Huckabee
Update: it happened again. One of these is not like the others.
